Strange Nostalgia

I was riding the bus today, as I do every day, but I found that the closer my departure becomes, the attention I pay to my surroundings. I looked out the back of the bus as it drove up the hill to the Max Planck Institute for Biophysics Chemistry and I was awed by the view. Soft greens and blues layered over one another in the form of the rolling hills that characterize the German countryside. Buildings with red roofs rise and fall with the tide of the land, fading into the greenery as the eye travels away from the center of the city. The sky is overcast, the ground still wet from the rain I slept through this morning, yet I cannot find it in me to think the gray sky depressing. It is the Göttingen I know.

The weather has rocked between chilly days at 12 degrees (Celsius) and burned my skin when it suddenly rocketed into the 20s. Sunny days can turn to violent downpours in the space of a minute, and return to idyllic perfect in the same only 20 minutes later. People travel with umbrellas hidden in backpacks and purses, and when the first drops begin to fall they bloom, like so many flowers in a field. Red, blue, rainbow, zebra print, the whole gamut. It's a funny sight to see. Unless, of course, you're the new comer who has not yet adjusted to the weather patterns and though your now soaked coat would be enough.

I once said that I thought my trip to Europe would consist of evenings spent in small cafes over warm beverages and intellectual conversations about culture and the world. It struck me today that I'd had that experience, though it did not manifest itself in quite as romantic a vision as that in which I had framed it. My cafe was a bakery called Brot und Brotchen which had a glorious sale on fresh baked goods that I could buy with carton of chocolate milk on the way to work. Berliners, butter croissants, rosin schnecken and fresh rolls, all of them cheaply available and magically delicious. My intellectual conversations took place in the office while my officemates and I exchanged opinions about religion, racial tensions, education, continuing education, history and the job market.

The sun is out now, shining on the trees just beyond the window, bringing out the first tinges of yellow that hint at the fall season to come. I could call this bitterweet and talk about the positives and negatives, but instead I will be grateful for the summer I've had and endeavor to make them more glorious from here on out.

The End is on the Horizon

I find that I am more afraid of returning to the United States than I was to come to Germany.  There are new things to think about, new opinions on the world and new friends that I will be returning with to the States. But I also have to go back to everything I have left behind. When I first arrived here I felt incredibly liberated because I could be whoever I wanted to be while I was here. The only things that could follow me across the ocean were those that I allowed to do so. My fears, my obligations, my attachments and my hang ups, everything about me was in America. I could build myself up to be whoever and whatever I wanted.

Now that period of liberation is coming to an end and I see a muddled mess of conflict waiting for me when I return. Here, all I had to worry about was work and my personal cultural experiences. When I return, there are applications for school, applications for graduation, scholarship applications, job applications, courses to take, continuing education decisions to be made, organizations to lead and a whole host of other things I do not even want to begin to consider. There are also my fears, my insecurities and my failures. It is daunting.

There is also the knowledge of what I am leaving. There will be no short bus rides into the town center for a Döner and bubble tea. There will be no more weekend trips to another country, no train rides across a beautiful landscape and no more intern friends with whom I can while away the night hours. Some part of me feels that America will, at first, seem painfully dull in comparison to a country that is nearly saturated in history. It is almost like spending a summer in the company of wise, old scholars only to return and find yourself surrounded by immature teenagers obsessed with the latest fad. This is not to say that the United States is better or worse, but it is a young country.

I did miss some things. I had never before realize what wondrous things water fountains could be, or non-carbonated water for that matter. I am certain that a trip to a restaurant will elicit in me the same amount of awe as a magic show might. Servers who appear out of thin air and are quick and friendly in catering to the needs of a customer, water for free, not to mention the novel concept of refills without cost. The sheer volume of food will surely amaze me as well. Pizzas made to serve a family and not just one. Drinks so big I could never hope to consume it all. And the vegetables! Blessed greenery to break up the ceaseless progression of meat and bread, a thing of beauty that I never thought I would willingly consume.

I will also be leaving this place with more things to consider. Mainly, continuing education. My educational career up to this point had been a matter of course. Elementary, middle, high school and college. That’s how it worked and what I knew I had to do, but beyond that is a great grey cloud of possibilities for happiness, success and failure. The guarantees and obvious courses of actions will soon be a thing of the past. I now enter an era where there is more than one “right” decision.

There is no need for me to get a higher degree as I can find a job, and one that pays well, with an undergraduate degree in engineering alone. From there it would be perfectly possible to climb the ranks and make a good living. I could also obtain a masters degree at the expense of whatever company I choose to work for and again further my chances for advancement and a variety of employment opportunities. Or, I continue the pursuit of my education and obtain a PhD and find a job, or conduct research or teach at a university. Success is frightening because it no longer has a definition and I do not have any particular dreams or passions to guide me on the path into the future, and this summer, if nothing else, has reminded me that the future is approaching, invariably, and I must be ready.

Unexpected Wonders

From Dresden I traveled to Prague and again I was exposed to an entirely new history. The Czech Republic is not a large country and hardly one that would be likely to make it into the history books in a high school in Texas. Americans are sometimes wont to feel that they are the originators and flag bearers for freedom. Such is not the case, as countries like the Czech Republic have fought through religious and political persecution as well as a blatant betrayal by its supposed allies in order to become the country that it is today. The country itself is in many ways only as old as I am. The history and spirit of its people stretches farther back into time, of course.

The adventure did not end in Prague, however. As a student it is often necessary to be fiscally responsible, particularly when you are in a place when assistance cannot be speedily sent. In an effort to save money, a friend and I purchased a ticket that was significantly cheaper than the other ones, but limited us to the slower trains with more connections. Even so, it seemed to be a good idea. Upon closer inspection, however, this ticket would require a trip lasting nearly eleven hours overnight, bringing us back to our hometown at six o’clock in the morning. This is, of course, including a wait from eleven o’clock at night until the next train at four in the morning.

My companion, unwilling to spend more money to buy another ticket that would get us home sooner, elected to try to take the trip herself. Annoyed, but unwilling to let her navigate Germany alone, I agreed to stay with her. I was able to come up with a makeshift plan to stop in a town called Nordhausen and get a room in a hostel. Everything was going to be fine.

Except it wasn’t. When we climbed out of the taxi into the pitch blackness of the night we quickly realized that the receptionists office was closed and the lights in the main building were off. At a suggestion from the taxi driver, we climbed up some steps to a second building farther off. There we found a group enjoying the evening over wine, beer and Pringles. We searched for someone who might work at the youth hostel and found no one. Thanks to the kindness of the people we encountered, one of them yielded his room to us for a night and there we slept.

The next day was spent leisurely. We slept until we were sated, woke and strolled through the town to a café that sat on a hill with an excellent view of the city and the hills beyond. The air was clear and every breath was like cold water. We took our time getting back to the station, taking time to look at a local market, to step into a candy store and another for all sorts of baubles. It was nice and well worth the stress it took to get there.